4 replies to this topic

[At The Gates]

METAL AWESOMENESS
to have the ideal metal band you there are MANY things that you can do.
however I have burned this down into a precise formula to get the best of all metal world.

to have a uber awesome metal band you don't need catchy or dark brutal lyrics or any real talent what so ever.

with my plan you can all have the worlds greatest band if you follow my directions.

FIRST the singer, he must have long hair or some crazy hair style, wear aviator sunglasses, and look all dark and brootal, leather jackets are a must, and footwear must be the blackest of black, corpse paint optional.

the Lead guitarist, MUST be of some white race, either extremely long hair, or totally bald, more tattoos then a circus freak, and a very evil looking guitar, ability to screech like a banshee optional.

Rhythm guitarist, a chick is a must, preferably large breasts, ability to look sexy while head banging is a plus, must not smell like queef.

Bassist, no if's ands or butts, MUST BE MEXICAN!!! I cannot stress that enough, with long curly hair that looks wet ALL THE f*ckING TIME, and atleast 6ft 4 280+ pounds, and must have a bass as large as him, he must also play is bass as low to the ground as he can, like he's resurrecting the f*cking corpses of your fans who were just brutally trampled in the pit from your pure awesomeness,

and finally the Drummer, must be either Gene Hoglan, or Time Yeung, either a very large or very skinny drummer who sounds like a rabbit on viagra f*cking a gattling gun being cranked by the world champion jerk off....fast, f*cking frantic, precise, and brootal.

once again if you follow these rules, then you too will have a kick ass metal band that might even have 2 kick ass albums before you all break up and go do some other random sh*t in better bands..


METALLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[KiMBo]

weird.

[*CHILIDOG*]

lol are there any metal bands that are like this? If so are they actually good?

[Jack]

you know it's bad when you see the title "Bored and Drunk" and your first thought is "wtf is Halcomb rambling on about now?"

[DarkShadow]

lol true.