46 replies to this topic

[DarkShadow]

Ill Start.

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top?" she asked.
"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.
"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.
As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied "no dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat, saying "Well, we're not having any of that Brokeback Mountain shit in our garden!"

[wyte mafia]

What does one fag say to another fag going on vacation?
Can I help you pack your sh*t?

Edited by wyte mafia, 10 May 2007 - 11:08 AM.

[SuHh]

Here's a dilemma...
With all your honor and dignity, what would you do? Please don't answer without giving it serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line- this is important for the test to work accurately.

You're in Florida... in Miami, to be exact. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a news photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destructive power.

Suddenly you see a man in the water, fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar.

Suddenly you know who it is -- it's George W. Bush!

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him away, forever. You have two options. You can save him or you can take the best photo of your life. So you can save the life of George W. Bush, or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo, a unique photo displaying the death of one of the world's most powerful men.

And here's the question (please give an honest answer):

Would you select color film, or rather go with the simplicity of classic black and white?

[Ahkmed]

Why do Mexicans have refried beans?
because they cant do anything right the first time.

[SuHh]

Why do Mexicans have refried beans?
because they cant do anything right the first time.

-1... u suck

[wyte mafia]

Why do Mexicans have refried beans?
because they cant do anything right the first time.

lol i liked that one.

[SuHh]

lol i liked that one.

well -1 for u too u also suck

[�HADOW109]

Why do can black people jump high?
Because their knee-grows

[SuHh]

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."

Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

[Buck_Shot]

#1
News from Hopkins Medical Center......

Yesterday research scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive.

No further testing is planned.



#2
A guy walks into a clinic to have his blood type taken.

The nurse goes about taking the blood sample from his finger after finishing she looks around for a piece of cotton to wipe away the excess blood.

She can't find it so she looks innocently at the guy, takes his finger and sucks it.

The guy is so pleased he asks; "Do you think I could have a urine test too?"

Edited by Buck_Shot, 13 May 2007 - 01:12 AM.

[At The Gates]

what do you get when you cross a black man and a mexican.....

A thief to lazy to steal.

[ShLoNkY]

#1
News from Hopkins Medical Center......

Yesterday research scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive.

No further testing is planned.

The guy is so pleased he asks; "Do you think I could have a urine test too?"

Thats funny as shit

[SuHh]

Thats funny as sh*t

lol

[Mr. Sticks]

A small charter plane is up in the air. It is in mid-flight, and has been up in the air for just a few minutes when the pilot comes over the speaker:

"Hello, everyone. This is your captain speaking. Today's flight will last approximately an hour and a half. Conditions are clear, and OH MY GOD!"

The speaker cuts out and the passengers aboard the plane start to panic. The flight attendant seems confused, and goes to see if everything is okay. A few moments later she returns and assures the passengers that everything is fine. Then the pilot comes back over the speaker:

"Sorry about that everyone, everything is just fine. I just spilled some hot coffee onto my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

One of the passengers then yells up to him, "Oh yeah? You should see the back of mine!"

[Xiertic]

What does one fag say to another fag going on vacation?
Can I help you pack your sh*t?

I LOL'ed.

[SuHh]

heh another bush joke :D

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the First button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face.

Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well. "I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"

A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Bush's chair and prepares himself for the Yank's revenge. They begin talking and Bush presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

"Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!"

Dubya says through tears of laughter, "What Baghdad?"

[At The Gates]

hahaha good one SuH

[QuickShot838]

OMG suh thats a good one.

[Cyprus]

I've posted this one before on another thread:

If chicks with big boobs work at Hooters, where do chicks with one leg work?

IHop.

[Xiertic]

I've posted this one before on another thread:

If chicks with big boobs work at Hooters, where do chicks with one leg work?

IHop.

That one never fails to crack me up.