177 replies to this topic

[Frag0holic]

[after vigorous sex with Tyler Durden]
"My God. I haven't been f*cked like that since grade school!" ~Marla Singer

[J.Pizzack]

"oh you hate your job? Well why didn't you say so?!? They have support groups for that....It's called EVERYONE. They meet at the bar".

[Yatzee_Squirrel]

"I am a solider, I fight where I am told, and I win where I fight."
-General George S. Patton Jr.

[Xiertic]

Me: You know there are very few things more satisfying than scratching and itch that's really been bugging you for awhile. They should make a pill or something that simulates that feeing.

Wife: They do, it's called crack.

[Novahawk]

From the movie Oscar:

scene: englsih teacher doctor pool, pravelone (stallone), and his helper

The helper just said an oxymoron

Dr. Pool: That was an oxymoron
Stallone: Gee doc, you shouldn't be too harsh on him, he tries the best he can

(later the helper guy looses the bag the was supposed to guard)

Stallone: Dr. Pool was right! you are an ox and a moron!

[Billy Pumper]

Cartman: What's to understand? You get a boner, slap her titties around some and then stick it inside her and pee

Kyle: [looks long and hard at Cartman] "stick it inside her and pee"


Cartman: Well, okay, fine. Unless you don't want to get her pregnant, then you pull it out and pee on her leg.

[YoJiMbO]

"nubs = doh!!!!!!!!!! "
Cobra is the most intelligent person ive ever met.

[*CHILIDOG*]

Me and a friend watching an especially sh*tty Chuck Norris movie (we do this for fun)

Me: That Korean guy looks like Wayne Newton...

Friend: lol, Wang Newton?

Me and Friend: hahahah!

The Origin of my Wang name.

[SoB]

Cartman: What's to understand? You get a boner, slap her titties around some and then stick it inside her and pee

Kyle: [looks long and hard at Cartman] "stick it inside her and pee"
Cartman: Well, okay, fine. Unless you don't want to get her pregnant, then you pull it out and pee on her leg.

^^^lolol classic


how abotu this one

Kyle-Cartman your not going because you always call me a jew

Cartman-Oh i do not

(shows scences from the last 5 seasons showing cartman calling kyle a jew)

Cartman- ok well maybe just that one time

[YoJiMbO]

"f*ck trying to job hunt. Niggas got aks"
Dr. Dre, Bang Bang, Chronic 2001

[MP5_is_Balla]

"Feds try to torture him for the secret recipe, he said it's no use i only know half, no speake de english i only do the math"

Sofa King By:Danger Doom
Album:The Mask

[Frag0holic]

[The Police Officer sees Randal's "Porch Monkey 4 Life" shirt]
Police Officer: PORCH MONKEY!?!
Randal Graves: Oh, no no. It's cool. I'm taking it back.

[Frag0holic]

Love this one:

"If you understand that most people adopt religion for psychological rather than intellectual reasons, you will understand why I think direct, frontal assaults on religion rarely, rarely persuade anyone to atheism. If, as atheists have been pointing out for many years, religion is an emotional and psychological crutch, then you don't get a man to stand on his own two feet simply by kicking out the crutch, if nothing else, the man will hold onto it for dear life. Rather, you must first convince the man that the crutch is unnecessary and even harmful. And then, you can convince him that he's able to get along much better without the crutch. So you don't have to kick it out, at this point, he will simply throw it away himself." - George H. Smith

[Mike2077]

No Fight Club quotes!?!? So many good ones....

You buy furniture. You tell yourself, this is the last sofa I will ever need in my life. Buy the sofa, then for a couple years you're satisfied that no matter what goes wrong, at least you've got your sofa issue handled. Then the right set of dishes. Then the perfect bed. The drapes. The rug. Then you're trapped in your lovely nest, and the things you used to own, now they own you. ~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club, Chapter 5

"It's only after you've lost everything," Tyler says, "that you're free to do anything." ~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club, Chapter 8

For thousands of years, human beings had screwed up and trashed and crapped on this planet, and now history expected me to clean up after everyone. I have to wash out and flatten my soup cans. And account for every drop of used motor oil. And I have to foot the bill for nuclear waste and buried gasoline tanks and landfilled toxic sludge dumped a generation before I was born. ~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club, Chapter 16

"Recycling and speed limits are bullsh*t," Tyler said. "They're like someone who quits smoking on his deathbed." ~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club, Chapter 16

I love this one.

You have a class of young strong men and women, and they want to give their lives to something. Advertising has these people chasing cars and clothes they don't need. Generations have been working in jobs they hate, just so they can buy what they don't really need. ~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club, Chapter 19

[Raccoon00]

In the next 50 years your be hangin in a tree With a fork up your ass...N1gger!

KKramer

Edited by Agent_Raccoon00, 07 December 2006 - 06:24 PM.

[Tyler Durden]

I gots better ones by the Chuckster.

"Dying right now would be redundant."
"The only true difference between martyrdom and suicide is the amount of the press coverage"
About making a fake suicide hotline:

"The labels had to stand out. You need the stickers to be easy to read at night and by somebody crying on drugs or drunk. The stickers I used are just black on white with black letters saying:
Give Yourself, Your Life, Just One More Chance. Call Me For Help. Then my phone number.
My second choice was:
If You're a Young Sexually Irresponsible Girl with a Drinking Problem, Get the Help You Need. Call--- and then my phone number.
Take my word for it. Don't make this second kind of sticker. With this kind of sticker, someone from the police will pay you a visit."


And now, some from my life...

When I was leaving:
Mom- Dammit, you need a coat, its snowing outside.
Me- Its not cold enough. My hoody is just fine.
Mom- Its 15 degrees outside! How cold is enough?
Me- *pause* If I spit out hot sauce and it freezes before it hits the ground, I'll put a light jacket on.

[Frag0holic]

In the next 50 years your be hangin in a tree With a fork up your ass...N1gger!

KKramer

It's supposed to be "50 years ago we would have had you upside down with a fucking fork in your ass!"

[Splunk]

ANCHORMAN...

Veronica Corningstone: My God, what is that smell? Oh.

Brian Fantana: That's the smell of desire my lady.

Veronica Corningstone: God no, it smells like, like a used diaper... filled with... Indian food. Oh, excuse me.

Brian Fantana: You know, desire smells like that to some people

Garth Holliday: What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.

News Station Employee: Smells like Bigfoot's dick

lol you gotta love that movie

[Raccoon00]

It's supposed to be "50 years ago we would have had you upside down with a f*cking fork in your ass!"

i notice that...............lmao

[At The Gates]

god I love this one.

Just because your an admin, doesn't make you god of the game. You're just a fat f*cking kid without a life.

I still am not sure what your so jealous about, whatever it is ... it must be about the game because nobody takes a game personally... RIGHT? I guess not, since you turned a game into your life.

compliments of Vision.