55 replies to this topic

[Cyprus]

If chicks with big boobs work at HOOTERS, where do chicks with one leg work?



















IHOP

[Frag0holic]

^^

Now that was funny!

[Tyler Durden]

If chicks with big boobs work at HOOTERS, where do chicks with one leg work?
IHOP

Nice

[*CHILIDOG*]

Q: What's red bubbling and scratching at the window








A: Baby in a Microwave

[$VT-c0brA]

how do you keep a !@#$%^& from drowning?







lift your foot up........


how do you get a !@#$%^& out of a tree?





cut the rope........

[Novahawk]

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

Whats the difference between a Jew and a Pizza?
The Pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

???

but yeah the ihop one is great

[Fluke]

Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?

Yes. What can I do for you?

I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith.

He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hiddin' it there.

Thank you very much for the call, sir.

The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's home. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.

Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?

Yeah!

Did they chop your firewood?

Yep!

Happy Birthday, buddy!

[Tyler Durden]

What do you do when you see a !@#$%^& hopping on one foot?




Stop laughing and shoot him in the other one.

[Mandraque]

Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?

Yes. What can I do for you?
I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith.
He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hiddin' it there.
Thank you very much for the call, sir.
The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's home. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.
Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.
Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?
Yeah!
Did they chop your firewood?
Yep!
Happy Birthday, buddy!

lol, almost made me spill what i was drinkin over my keyboard....

[Frag0holic]

^^
That was great Fluke

[pusadolfo]

lmfao, nice one fluke

[Mike2077]

What's the most confusing day in Harlem?





Father's Day.



Why did the Jews wander in the desert for 40 years?






Because one of them lost a quarter.

[At The Gates]

ok, I know this thread is old, but it should be stickied.

A tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three feet tall but they were attracted to each other.

After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman's apartment. "I can't imagine what it will be like making love to a midget," said the woman, "especially with the size difference and all."

"Just take off your cloths, lie back on the bed, spread your legs apart and close your eyes," said the midget.

The woman did as she was told and soon she felt the biggest thing she'd ever experienced inside her.

Within a few minutes the woman had climaxed eight times. "If you think that was good," said the midget with a smirk, "Just wait till I get BOTH legs in there!"

-----------------------

The FBI is considering three men to be hired. They bring them in to speak with the interviewer separately. The first man comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him "Do you love your wife?" so he replies"Yes I do, sir." "Do you love your country?" asks the interviewer. "Yes I do, sir.", interviewer continues, "What do you love more, your wife or your country?" he replies "My country, sir." The interviewer looks at the man, "Okay. We brought in your wife. Take this gun and go into the next room and kill her."

The man goes into the room, and all is silent for about 5 minutes. He comes back, with his tie loosened and he is all sweaty. He puts down the gun and leaves. The second guy comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him the same questions, and the responses are the same. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy puts the gun down and says "I can't do it..."

The third guy comes in, the same thing happens. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy goes into the room, and BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! This is followed by a bunch of crashing sounds that end after a few minutes. The guy comes out of the room with his tie loosened, and puts the gun on the table. The interviewer looks at him and says "What happened?!?!", to which the guy replies, "The gun you gave me was filled with blanks so I had to strangle her!

old, but I love this one even more....

[Frag0holic]

The FBI is considering three men to be hired. They bring them in to speak with the interviewer separately. The first man comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him "Do you love your wife?" so he replies"Yes I do, sir." "Do you love your country?" asks the interviewer. "Yes I do, sir.", interviewer continues, "What do you love more, your wife or your country?" he replies "My country, sir." The interviewer looks at the man, "Okay. We brought in your wife. Take this gun and go into the next room and kill her."

The man goes into the room, and all is silent for about 5 minutes. He comes back, with his tie loosened and he is all sweaty. He puts down the gun and leaves. The second guy comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him the same questions, and the responses are the same. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy puts the gun down and says "I can't do it..."

The third guy comes in, the same thing happens. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy goes into the room, and BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! This is followed by a bunch of crashing sounds that end after a few minutes. The guy comes out of the room with his tie loosened, and puts the gun on the table. The interviewer looks at him and says "What happened?!?!", to which the guy replies, "The gun you gave me was filled with blanks so I had to strangle her!

old, but I love this one even more....

Indeed an oldie but a goodie

Here's one:

A famous hypnotist was doing a performance for a large group of seniors in an auditorium. He went out on stage and said: "Today I'm not going to hypnotize only one person, but all of you at once!" The seniors looked at him excitedly as the hypnotist pulled out a magnificent gold plated pocket watch.
"This watch has been in my family for five generations, it is a very special watch", the hypnotist said. He started swinging the clock back and forth and the seniors all became hypnotized. Suddenly the watch slipped from his hand and crashed into a thousand pieces on the floor.
"sh*t!" shouted the hypnotist.


It took the janitors three days to clean the auditorium.

[Mandraque]

dumb joke:

what is the smartest dinosaur? the thesaurus.


big joke:

A cuban, a puerto rican, and a french guy die and stand in front of god. God informs them that he is busy so he gives them all another chance, the last one that survives gets to go to heaven. He told the french guy he couldn't think about wine, he told the cuban he couldn't think about money, and told the puertorican that he couldn't think about sex. So they are all back on earth walking on the street trying to avoid temptation. The come close to a wine shop and the french guy goes for the door, the moment he touches it he disappears. The cuban and the puertorican are scared now, trying to not go to hell. They are walking by the street when all of a sudden the they both see a quarter on the floor. The cuban bends over to pick it up and the puertorican disappears....





i dont care for you if you dont get it.

[Mr. Sticks]

ROFL at Frag's joke and Mandraque's second one.

What do you call two white guys pushing a car up a hill?

Car trouble.

What do you call two black guys pushing a car up a hill?

Grand theft auto.


I've got another:

What do you call a bunch of white guys running down a hill?

An avalanche.

What do you call a bunch of black guys running down a hill?

A mudslide.

What do you call a bunch of Mexican guys running down a hill?

Jailbreak!

[Inertia]

Why do black people smell?

So blind people can hate them too.



Why is Stevie wonder always smiling?

He doesn't know he's black!!!


Why does inertia always shank Mad Hatter?

Because he pwns his ass!!!!

[Mandraque]

idk if it has been said but:

what is long, black, and smelly?

the welfare line.

[RogueAlly]

Why do !@#$%^&s only have nightmares?





We killed the only one that had a dream.

[Xiertic]

dead baby jokes huh...i got one
why do you put a baby in the blender feet first?

so you can see the expression on its face.

lmfao, that owns.