68 replies to this topic

[Raccoon00]

Grats =D

having a little one is going to be hard, good luck in college..

[Cleric]

Test results for this month came out positive

I'm a father

Congratz. Wish you the best of luck.






NOW, for the humor or my post.
Let me break down the rest of your life for you and I will do it in the years of your soon to be child.

Pre-Birth: You are going to stop spending money on sh*t you want because you HAVE TO (by state law) feed the kid and support him. So you will miss out on all the good stuff. When your friends say hey we are going to go out and get hammered, high, whatever you are going to stay at home watching re-runs of family guy on Cartoon Network or TBS.

Mission Launch to 1 year: You will never sleep during this time, will end up working two jobs, and when you finally are able to sleep you won't sleep anyways.

Year 1 to 2: Your kid is going to cry like no other. You will contemplate just f*cking erupting like the bastard son of Clint Eastwood and Yoda. Also most likely year you will suffer from server depression as you realize we were all right that your life is over and you picked the wrong route.

Year 2 to 3: If you haven't committed suicide yet or gone f*cking nuts and killed your entire family with a metal pipe you found in an alley one day then you are going to look forward to the year of food that is never warm. You will never be able to eat warm food because your kid will always take so f*cking long to eat his/her food that you will have forgotten what it tastes like. You might as well just sh*t in your hand and start eating it.

Year 3 to 5: If you haven't gone broke yet you will in this year. You will look foreward to X-Mas presents such as Socks, T-Shirts, Pencils, and Notebooks. (If you are Jewish you will look foreward to such gifts as Brown Socks, T-Shirts 1 size to small and feel like they are chocking you, Chalk (Pencils are to good for you), and Recycled Paper. If you are lucky you might get a letter in the mail to Jury Duty and by f*cking god you will do it because it means you at least get to watch some other miserable soul who got his girlfriend knocked up and went f*cking ape sh*t like you might do in Year 2-3 (recap for those who skipped ahead).

Year 5 to 6: Your kid will start school. You think your life is getting better

Year 6 to 7: Your life still sucks and is confirmed by no improvement in Year 5-6.

Year 7-13: You might be an alcoholic by this time if not then you are so f*cking ready to explode with rage even watching Saturday morning cartoons with cause you to blackout, go on a rampage where you wake up in a cardboard box on the corner of seven eleven to hear everyone whisper that the bum (YOU) was the guy who f*cked the goat at the zoo and then proceed to nut on its face while repeating, "I'm free"

Year 13-17 : You will threaten any guy who looks at your daughter with the line "What ever you do to her I will do to you," and if you have a son then you will high five him every time he scores a touchdown and scores with a hot girl. (If he gets her pregnant you might run slut over with a bicycle because by this time you will have had to sell your car).

Year 18: you will cry since your life ended at this tender age.

Year 19 and Onward: You will likely live out whatever fantasy of a normal life through your kid because you f*ckED UP.

Year 55: You will still likely be playing in BoSS and we will still rib on you but at least you have a place to get drunk and f*cking rage on people for now reason while others look onward and laugh.



Best of Luck.

Edited by Cleric, 04 March 2009 - 12:11 AM.

[Aziz]

Wow, Cleric. Bravo!

[EVIL Shenanigans]

Your forgot divorce...ever so popular nowadays. Though i suppose the many many references to the possibility of the murder of his entire family sorta makes up for this.

Very nice timeline, though Cleric...

[Ahkmed]

Haha...wow. That sure sounds like fun cleric I think I'm going to go have a baby now, anyone want to help?

[Cleric]

Haha...wow. That sure sounds like fun cleric I think I'm going to go have a baby now, anyone want to help?

A few people on vent like Zeke, Wondergod and myself were trying to figure out a name for this love child.

Zeke didn't pick a name
Wondergod picked Rufus

I was torn between a few so I made a list (InColdBlood, feel free to use any of them)

Coitus Interruptus
Sage Moonblood
Willie Stroker
Gayford Buttram
Jack Koffman <---Front Runner
Sharonda Cox
Ben Dover
Tiny Hooker
Wanna Towell
Bubba Gump
Slim Jim
Harry Pits

[Halcomb]

I'll try one last time by saying, "abort that sh*t and learn to wear a condom you f*cking uneducated f*ck." It doesn't matter if she was wearing a f*cking bottomless cheetah outfit, you f*cking c*nt, you are about to have a f*cking underprivileged child and I really don't want to be paying taxes towards your f*cking cheetah-baby and it's formula and milk.

Otherwise, I hope she has a f*cking Sloth baby and you f*cking learn your lesson, !@#$%^&. Chain it to a chair and feed it f*cking baby ruths.

<3 Halcomb. Truth be f*cking told.

Edited by Halcomb, 04 March 2009 - 05:36 AM.

[WhiteRabbit]

I hate to say it but I'm with halcomb on this, up until the sloth baby bit of course. Either way good luck though man.

[ashbash]

i approve of clerics timeline

[MainEvent]

You really do have to think this through man... This will f*ck up your current life...

[Unlikely]

Although it may seem logical to assume that the man has an equal say, it�s ultimately up to her. If she decides against adoption and abortion, he�s legally responsible. You can�t trust (most) women to make decisions about a kid before they're pregnant because in the back of all their minds is the harsh reality that they may be infertile.

Best of luck to you man. Hopefully you have a rent free place to live otherwise I don�t see how you could afford to go to college full time.

Edited by Unlikely, 04 March 2009 - 10:35 AM.

[Stoned Hatter]

yes having a kid at this young age is not the best thing to do but you live and learn i hope lol
good luck with it and watch as all your friends get to go clubbing while your stuck at home breast feeding the kid
anything with nipples can be milked :))

[matthew0155]

your only hope, give the baby to your parents.... haha their problem now.

[Novahawk]

your only hope, give the baby to your parents.... haha their problem now.

Better yet, give the baby to her parents.

[XxInColdBloodxX]

Ok Halcomb, first, pissoff. I don't care what you have to say. Don't jump to conclusions that im some poor gutter trash, im not. If needed i have plenty of finacial support from my family. So save you tax dollars you fuck. Oh and the condom fucking broke you asshole, so fuck off, go die in a hole or fire, or even better yet, mind your own fucking business.

Second,
Her parents are giving us their house as a graduation gift which is completly paid for.

Third,
Since my mom is single and has a worthless job and the fact i dont have to claim her boyfriend who makes plenty of money when i fill out the paper work i pretty much go to college for free or for a very little price, and in this case i have plently of money in the bank to cover it, and if needed i can ask my dad (who is a asshole) for some help because he has around 2 Million in the bank and he doesn't work or do anything.

Fourth, as for baby supplys, me and her both work and during the time im going to college i'll be able to work full time on the side, or around 30 hours a week, as with her, if needed my grandparents will watch the baby, because frankly they are like that.

and if all else fails, follow clerics timeline which i lol'ed at

[IWantWhiteCastle]

Well you sound more excited than down about it so congrats and good luck

[ashbash]

if its a girl we will have a "BoSS" party for her 16th.

[Aziz]

Seems like a pretty comfortable set up, man. Good that you have family to rely on.
If its a girl, you should name her by the name we all came to love - Bubbles))

Edited by Aziz, 04 March 2009 - 02:34 PM.

[Unlikely]

Your situation does sound pretty good and you�re both very lucky to have wealthy parents who are giving you a house (which makes me very jealous because I�ve been house hunting with my wife for a few months and it�s aggravating).

My only suggestion is, work on your relationship with your girlfriend. Not saying you need it, but living together is a huge test for a relationship. You guys planning to get married or not there yet?

[yurec]

Man I dont know you "In cold blood" but congrads man. And after reading your reply i realy respect your point of view, good luck man!!!