177 replies to this topic

[IWantWhiteCastle]

"Which !@#$%^& took the last donut?"

~Trudy

"That's wildy innapropriote."

~Dangle

From one of my favorite shows, Reno 911

LMAO, that was hilarious

[Billy Pumper]

~I think we should start seeing other people.
jeff foxworthy-Guys, no girl has ever said that without having cut another pony from the heard, and if she aint riding him yet, she has alreadygot the saddle out of the barn.

Edited by Billy Pumper, 22 October 2005 - 06:33 PM.

[mattr1]

hmmm i will just add a few when i think but,

In preditor when arnold is telling the girl to "Get to ZE CHOPPA"

hahahahahahha

[Aziz]

hahahahahahha

dont do that. dont go off topic. this thread is here for what it was created. i dont want to close it cuz ya'll post up sh*t. if you dont have anything to add to the thread, dont post. we know some of them are funny or unique in a way, no need in pointing that out, unless its your post. if you want to reply to others, do it while adding your own stuff.
thanks.

[mattr1]

"life is like football. sometimes you gotta know when to lower your shoulder, break a tackle, keep pedaling your feet and fight for the most you can get"


sorry aziz.. i didnt mean any harm by it, i will keep things like that to myself from now on--it wont happen again

[Frag0holic]

Foxworthy is the man!
"If your mother goes to the doctor thinking she's got cancer from second-hand DIPPING, You might be a redneck..."
talking about rednecks.. one of my all time fav movies:
Oh Brother, Where Art Though?

George Nelson: Jesus saves, George Nelson withdraws!
----
Ulysses Everett McGill: A woman is the most fiendish instrument of torture ever devised to bedevil the days of man.
----
Delmar O'Donnell: Care for some gopher?
Ulysses Everett McGill: No thank you, Delmar. One third of a gopher would only arouse my appetite without bedding it down.
----
Lund: Woooooooo-wee. Boy, that was a miiiighty fine a-pickin' and a-singin'.

many more from that movie

[darth d1zzy]

same movie as frag

Ulysses Everett McGill: Hold on, I don't want this pomade. I want Dapper Dan.
Pomade Vendor: I don't carry Dapper Dan, I carry Fop.
Ulysses Everett McGill: Well, I don't want Fop, goddamn it! I'm a Dapper Dan man

[Aziz]

Famous One:
Jules: What does Marcellus Wallace look like?
Brett: What?
Jules: What country you from?
Brett: What?
Jules: What ain't no country I ever heard of! They speak English in What?
Brett: What?
Jules: ENGLISH, MOTHERf*cker! DO-YOU-SPEAK-IT?
Brett: Yes!
Jules: Then you know what I'm saying!
Brett: Yes!
Jules: Describe what Marcellus Wallace looks like!
Brett: What, I-?
Jules: [pointing his gun] Say what again. SAY WHAT AGAIN. I dare you, I double dare you, motherf*cker. Say what one more goddamn time.
Brett: He's b-b-black...
Jules: Go on.
Brett: He's bald...
Jules: Does he look like a b*tch?
Brett: What?
[Jules shoots Brett in shoulder]
Jules: DOES HE LOOK LIKE A b*tch?
Brett: No!
Jules: Then why you try to f*ck him like a b*tch, Brett?
Brett: I didn't.
Jules: Yes you did. Yes you did, Brett. You tried to f*ck him. And Marcellus Wallace don't like to be f*cked by anybody, except Mrs. Wallace.

I love that movie.. watched it stoned on tuesday; good times

[NC Derek]

heres some fmj quotes. they might not be exact, i just wrote them on memory. yeah ive seen this too many times. i love this movie.

Joker: is this john wayne, is this me?
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: who said that who the f*ck
said that! whos the slimy communist
twinkletowed cocksucker who just signed his own death
warrant? nobody huh? the fairy
f*cking godmother said it, out f*cking standing! ill
pt you all till you die, i
will pt you till your assholes suck buttermilk. was it
you, you little f*ck? you
little piece of sh*t, you look like a f*cking worm! i
bet it was you!
Joker: i said it, sir
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: well no sh*t, whatd we got
here a f*cking comedian? private
joker? i admire your honesty, hell i like you you can
come to my house and f*ck
my sister! you little scumbag! i got your name i got
your ass! you will not laugh
or cry! youll learn by the numbers, i will teach you!
get up get on your feet! you
best unf*ck yourself or i will unscrew your head and
sh*t down your neck! whyd you
join my beloved corps?
Joker: to kill sir
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: so youre a killer? do you
have a war face?
-Full Metal Jacket
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: whats your excuse?
Private: excuse for what,sir?
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: im asking the f*cking
questions, is that ok with you?
Private: yes sir
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: well thank ya very much for
puttin me in charge for a
while. are you shook up? do i make you nervous?
Private: sir?
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: whats that were you just
about to call me an ass hole?
how tall are you private?
Private: 5 foot 9 sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: 5'9? i didnt know they
stacked sh*t that high! are you
trying to squeeze an inch on me somwhere? looks like
the best part of you ran down
the crack of your moms ass and ended up as a brown
stain on the mattress
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: where the hell are you from
anyway, cowboy?
Private: Texas, sir
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: holly dogsh*t! only steers
and queres come from Texas.
you dont look like no steer so i guess that kinda
narrows it down. do you suck dick
soldier? are you a peterpuffer?
-Full Metal Jacket
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: whats your name scumbag?
Snowball: Private Brown, sir
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: bull sh*t! from now on youre
private Snowball, do you
like that name?
Snowball: yes sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: well i know one thing you
wont like, they dont serve fried
chicken and watermellon in my mess hall on a daily
basis
-Full Metal Jacket
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: did your parents have any
children that lived? i bet they
regret that, youre so ugly you could be a modern art
masterpiece. whats your name
fatbody?
Pyles: Leonard Lawerence, sir
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Lawerence? Lawerence of
what, Arabia? your name sounds
like
royalty, are you royalty?
Pyles: no sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: do you suck dick?
Pyles: no sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: bull sh*t! i bet you could
suck a golf ball thru a garden
hose!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: i dont like the name
lawerence, only fagots and sailors
are named lawerence. do you think im cute? do you
think im funny?
Pyles: no sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: then wipe that discusting
grin off your face!
Pyles: cant help it, sir
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: ill give u 3 seconds to wipe
that smirk off your face
before i gouge out your eyeballs and skull f*ck you!
well any f*cking time sweetheart!
1...2...3....get on your knees! now choke yourself!
not with your hands with my
hands!
dont touch my f*ckin hands! now leen forward and choke
yourself!
-Full Metal Jacket
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Jesus H Christ! if there is
one thing that makes me mad
thats an unlocked footlocker! well lets take a look
inside, lemme know if youre
missing anything(as he empties it out all over the
floor) sweet jesus, what is this!
what the f*ck is this?
Pyles: a jelly dounut, sir
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: a jelly dount? what the f*ck
are you doin with a god damn
jelly donut?
Pyles: i got it from the mess hall, sir
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: the mess hall, huh? and why
is that?
Pyles: i was hungry, sir
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: cause you were hungry, are
you supposed to be eating jelly
donuts?
Pyles: no sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: and why is that?
Pyles: cause im too heavy, sir
-Full Metal Jacket

[mattr1]

"GET SOME, GET SOME, GET SOME!"

"HOW DO YOU SHOOT WOMEN AND CHILDREN?!?!?!"

"ITS EASY, YOU JUST DONT AIM AS HIGH"

-Full Metal Jacket (chopper scene)

[darth d1zzy]

animal house

Eric 'Otter' Stratton: You guys up for a toga party?
John 'Bluto' Blutarsky: Toga! Toga!
Eric 'Otter' Stratton: Ah, I think they like the idea, Hoov.

[Frag0holic]

it's supposed to be "You just don't lead them so much!" mattr1...
But yeah Derek, as I said in my first post, just about anything that comes out of Sgt. Hartman's mouth is a classic quote

[darth d1zzy]

man no james bond quotes yet

"Do you expect me to talk?"- James Bond
"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!"- Goldfinger

[Novahawk]

Foxworthy is the man!
"If your mother goes to the doctor thinking she's got cancer from second-hand DIPPING, You might be a redneck..."
talking about rednecks.. one of my all time fav movies:
Oh Brother, Where Art Though?

George Nelson: Jesus saves, George Nelson withdraws!
----
Ulysses Everett McGill: A woman is the most fiendish instrument of torture ever devised to bedevil the days of man.
----
Delmar O'Donnell: Care for some gopher?
Ulysses Everett McGill: No thank you, Delmar. One third of a gopher would only arouse my appetite without bedding it down.
----
Lund: Woooooooo-wee. Boy, that was a miiiighty fine a-pickin' and a-singin'.

many more from that movie

Damn i wanted to see that movie so bad.. we started watching it in English last year, but some f*cked up parents that dont care sh*t about their children told the principle that their kids watch too many movies, so he told all the teachers not to show movies anymore, and its still in effect this year.. i mean wtf... out of what i've seen from it i like when they're in the barn and the cops come... and all the Ulysses says is "Damn we're in a tight spot!" like 5 times... that was hilarious.... and the part where they do record the song.. thats as far as we got :*(

[Aziz]

"Serenity, regularity, absence of vanity,Sincerity, simplicity, veracity, equanimity, Fixity, non-irritability, adaptability, Humility, tenacity, integrity, nobility, magnanimity, charity, generosity, purity. Practise daily these eighteen "ities" You will soon attain immortality."

~Socrates

[NC Derek]

this is playa haters ball from chapelle

buc nasty:hey silky, yo jacket looks like afghanistan,
all bombed out and sh*t
silky:you make yo jacket out of yo mothas pubic hairs?
silky to beautiful:hey beautiful, how bout you tap
them high heels together and
go back to africa
ice t:alright, next motha f*cka who says somethin
while im talkin is gettin shot.
alright time for the nominations for playa hata of the
year weve got pit bull.
yeah, he called the cops on his neighbors because they
was dealin drugs. he didnt
do it for the community, he did it because he was
jealous of all the money they
was makin PIT BULL! next up, buc nasty. this man had
sex with his best friends wife!
man, thats so cold!
girls next to buc:yay buc!
buc:SHUTUP b*tch
ice t:and finally, we have silky johnson. silky was
nominated fo callin in a bomb
threat to the special olympics. and the winner
is...SILKY JOHNSON
silky:as i drink this wine that im sure somebody spit
in, i just want to let you
all know that i hate you rotten motha f*ckaz i hate
you, i hate you, i hate your
guts and i dont even know you. now i must leave to put
some water in buc nastys
mommas dish. so ill see you all in hell, you rotten
motha f*ckaz

[Frag0holic]

Chapelle is teh shiznit.
"I love you Mary-Jane, but not as much as I love PUSSY!"
-Half Baked (the funniest toker movie ever)

here's one from the second funniest one:

Banky: Stop the movie? What are you, crazy?
Jay: All these assholes on the internet are calling us names because of this stupid f*cking movie.
Banky: That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously. Stopping the flick isn't gonna stop that.
Jay: This isn't fair. We came to Hollywood, I fell in love. f*ckin', we got shot at, we stole a monkey, and I got punched in the motherf*cking nuts by a guy named Cock-Knocker.
-Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

[At The Gates]

"Bravo 1-Ill tell you whats rediculous, they give us a gun that can shoot over 300 rounds per second and they expect us to fight spirits with this, hell, I might as well try stabbing them with a dinner f*ck!
Chief-What the hell is a dinner f*ck?"-P.A.N.I.C.S episode 1

"Bravo 2-I can evaluate the situation just fine from out here, where in the hall way and were alive,Bravo 1 walked into that hall way, and now hes about 50 different kinds of f*cked up"-P.A.N.I.C.S

[Sniprwulf]

pulp fiction, jules:

'Ezekiel 25:17: The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the Valley of Darkness; for he is truly his brother's keeper, and the finder of lost children. And, I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers! And, you will know my name is The Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee!'

fantastic movie

[Billy Pumper]

"You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with until you do what I say."